How Did I Get Here?

I was fuming!! She stole my idea and got all of the credit for it. I worked alone on our project, stayed up until 1 am to make sure everything was good to go, and just like that, she was the shining star. As the professor spoke highly of our project I zoned out, I was angry and seething that she had taken credit for something she DID NOT do. At that moment, my perspective of her switched. Sure I was irritated that she hadn’t been carrying her weight throughout the course of the semester, but now…..I really didn’t like her.

I don’t know if you can relate or if you’ve been here, but what starts out as a small innocent emotion turns into something very, very ugly. I didn’t have any known enemies, drama was foreign to me and I had positive life-giving relationships. But what was once a mild irritation towards her, evolved into anger and finally birthed bitterness. How could something so small turn into this callous and cold bitterness?

Guard your heart for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23

I am a proud plant mom and have an orchid named Hope. Hope has been through some rough times and I am trying to nurse her back to health. I did a little research on how to bring life back to a dying orchid and found that uprooting the orchid to observe its roots was critical to the life of the orchid. The roots that have dried out or are rotten must be cut off so that it will not make the rest of the plant sick and will allow the orchid a better chance of growing back.

The same goes for my heart! I couldn’t allow for ill feelings towards my classmate to take root in my heart and I should have done a better job at guarding it. My irritation, although it was innocent, made space for anger and bitterness to take root. Was it ok for me to be irritated with my classmate for not carrying her weight? At the moment, yes. However, my irritation left unchecked was NOT ok! If I would have addressed the issue at the beginning, it may have never evolved into bitterness. It is critical that we check our emotions and rule over them and not allow them to rule over us. I allowed my anger to turn into bitterness and found myself in a spot that I knew wasn’t right, nor was it fitting for who I was. Anything else that I said or did towards her and maybe even others would come from a place of anger and bitterness.

Truth be told, I missed the opportunity to talk things out with my classmate but have since made addressing issues with others a priority.

Here are a few tips on how to guard your heart against bitterness.

Discuss issues sooner than later

Whether you need to check in with yourself or with someone else, don’t ignore what is bothering you. Come to an agreed-upon time between yourself and the person you are in conflict with to talk. Dismissing negative emotions can allow for feelings of resentment or anger to develop and can, in turn, be destructive to the relationship.

Humility and Honesty are Key

Examining your emotions towards a person or situation requires humility and honesty. Be 100% honest with yourself and others and be in a position to see things from a perspective other than yours. If you aren’t open to being honest or seeing where you may be at fault, you won’t get far and may need to try again when you are ready.

Leave Pride and Ego

Like muddy shoes, pride and ego must be left at the door. We get in the way of overcoming negative emotions that do not serve us when we feel justified in our anger or bitterness and choose to stay there. Your emotions are sometimes valid, but that doesn’t mean they have to remain that way. Give yourself a time limit on how long you will feel your emotions and when the time is up, think of ways to come to a solution.

Forgiveness is a Must

It’s ok to be sad, angry, or hurt, but we have to let it go. How someone treated us is on them, but how we respond and move forward is our responsibility. Unforgiveness weighs heavily on the heart and mind and you deserve to be the best version of yourself. Forgive yourself and forgive others so that you can live without being weighed down by past disappointments or hurts.